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Behave Yourself
Little Johnny was a mean, arrogant, foul-mouthed brat, and his father was tired of it. Christmas was coming, so he gave his son an ultimatum: "Behave yourself and you'll get what you want for Christmas; or keep acting like a jerk and you'll get a pile of dog crap instead of a gift."
Little Johnny couldn't help himself when he told his dad what he wanted for Christmas. It was habitual. "I want a damned Teddy bear laying right here beside me when I wake up on Christmas morning," Johnny said. "Then, when I go downstairs, I want to see a train going around the bloody tree, and when I go outside I expect to see a new bicycle leaning up against the damn garage!"
On Christmas morning, Little Johnny woke up and rolled over into a big pile of dog crap. Confused, he walked downstairs and saw a bunch of dog crap around the Christmas tree. Scratching his head, he walked outside and saw a huge pile of dog crap by the garage.
When he walked back into the house, his dad smiled and asked, "So, Johnny, what did Santa bring you this year?"
Little Johnny replied, "Beats the hell out of me. I think I got a friggin' dog but I can't find him.
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I've been on a calendar, but I've never been on time. -- Marilyn Monroe
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