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The Relationship with your Significant Other Is Over When
1. She puts your dinner on the floor in the dog dish.
2. The milkman is wearing your bathrobe.
3. You get a ticket for the Jerry Springer Show.
4. Your electric razor is "ticking".
5. She starts every sentence with the words..."To whom it may concern".
6. Your mail comes addressed to "Current Resident".
7. The local mortician starts measuring you for a new suit.
8. Her mother looks at you and starts laughing.
9. You are urged to stir your coffee "very well", before drinking it.
10. Your favorite easy chair is plugged into the wall outlet.
11. All of your shirts have a target painted on them.
12. She insists on packing your parachute on your first jump out of an airplane.
13. She wants to play catch with you using hand grenades without the pins.
14. You catch her practicing tying knots with the break line of your car.
15. She urges you to go hunting with a group of her PMS ing friends.
16. People are referring to her as the "widow".
17. You come home and all that is left of the house is the foundation.
18. She is 6 months pregnant and you haven't slept with her in a year.
19. She redecorates the house using your life insurance policy as collateral on the loan.
20. Your name is Fred and a new tattoo just below her navel reads...."Al's Place".
=================
Yesterday my son came home and said, "I have good news and bad news.
The good news is - I got 18 out of 20 on my driver's test."
I said, "Great! Now what's the bad news?"
He said, "They were pedestrians."
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